


oh my god (the freezing air, breath tightening)

by heecheondo (bERUkUN)



Category: HALO (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, POV Third Person, Unhealthy Relationships, Wrote at three am (but self betad), Yoondong-centric, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 15:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bERUkUN/pseuds/heecheondo
Summary: the hardest part wasn't realizing you got trapped, but to turn your back to what once you loved.





	oh my god (the freezing air, breath tightening)

**Author's Note:**

> [halo are back so you know what to do](https://youtu.be/hwWgRzRu22c)  
>  this song is sooooo good and the fucking choreo is dope but damn I was NOT expecting that angsty lyrics. you go ma boys.  
> sorry for making jaey a bad person in the only era we don't have ot6/him, in my defense tho I did consider making this youngdong but most if my aus with yoondong is youngdong and I wanted it to be yoondong-centric because of the maze dance thing so that's what we having for today pls enjoy

“heeey yoondong-ah~ why are you awake at this time?”, jaeyong asked as soon as he saw the younger on the couch, cup of coffee in hands. it was way past two am, nearly three, but he was still smiling as if the sun was shining. he had obviously spent the past few hours partying.

he sighed. he knew his hyung would react like that. “just waiting”, the _for you_ was on the tip of his tongue but yoondong didn’t have the guts to say it. he never had the guts to confront kim jaeyong.

he, who had the audacity to smile at the other's words. “you didn’t have to, sweetie. you will get too tired tomorrow.”

“i don’t really mind”, he quietly replied and it was true. since the beginning, he did what he could for this relationship. kim yoondong was the selfless type to put his significant other’s desires in front of his own needs.

a shame that his significant other was the type to prioritize his personal desires. “stayed late at work?”, he pretended to ask as if he didn’t know where the older were. it was written all over his body expression, and even if it wasn’t, he could read jaeyong way too well now. things that come with living too long with a single person.

“haha yeah, you know how it is.”

he nodded, although he didn’t. “there is still some cake left for you.”

“cake? what cake?”

yoondong blinked. “the one for our anniversary. it’s tradition for me to bake a cake every year. you know, five years ago--”

“ah yeah, that’s true. you bake the cake and i pretend it’s good”, he laughed at the joke but it wasn't funny for the younger. “i will have some tomorrow, i think i should go to sleep. you coming?”

the shorter man stared at the other in shock. “n-- no, i think i’m having insomnia so i’ll try to distract my head for a bit.”

“okay. don’t get up too late”, he simply said, leaving the living room towards their shared bedroom.

yoondong stated at the door for entire minutes before moving away. “he didn’t even say a thing about our anniversary”, he whispered to himself in disbelief, staring at the roof. yeah, the last thing he’d do tonight was distracting himself from his dark worries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

the moment he woke up from the fantasy of being in a perfect relationship of four, five years, it maybe was too late. it was too late because he was already too deep.

as cliché that it sounded, they met in high school. that would probably be his warning one, or maybe warning zero, because he knew that high school loves don’t last long. that’s what he thinks _now_ at least, but eighteen years old yoondong probably had this romantic idea about them, and maybe that was the starting point. he really was naive back then, thinking they’d marry and grow old together, happily.

warning number two was that jaeyong was too good towards him to be true. he kept hitting on him even when he seemed uninterested, asked him out constantly, complimented him at any chance he could. heecheon told him he was annoying and should stop bothering him. yoondong ignored his high school best friend and said that, if he was trying that much, he should at least try and go on a _single_ date. which didn’t stop there, and soon a single date became a couple, and a couple became months and years of an established, serious relationship.

everything seemed fantastic until their graduation, which maybe could be considered another warning. now that he was more mature on the subject, yoondong knows that no healthy relationship was always all wonders all the time. it was common for two people bicker a couple of times. but instead, jaeyong never seemed mad at anything and yoondong forgave way too easily. the older would give his opinions here and there and in contrast, the younger quietly nodded and made mental notes.

maybe he shouldn’t have tried so much to please him to begin with. maybe yoondong was the one at fault, too innocent, too trusting. maybe all of this could be avoided if he were a wiser version of him by then.

but he wasn’t and there was no turning back, and as much as the idea hurt the rational part of his brain told him he needed to move on. it would be worse for him to stay.

at some point, jaeyong’s kindness died. suddenly he was a man if few words, but they always held some heaviness. some were demands, some were complaints, some were jokes only he would laugh. but yoondong was naive, yoondong trusted him when he said he loved him. he believed him because he loved him with his entire heart and he really hoped that jaeyong loved him his as much. yoondong was in love and that was an endless dilemma because he was attached but it hurt. how it hurt to hear your boyfriend tell you that you're gaining too much weight, that you're hanging out too much with your best friend, that you're not giving him what he wants. it hurt not being able to tell him to stop the harsh words, to tell him no, to ask him since when you're only on the receiving end?

since when have you been this selfish, this shameless? or were you always like that, but yoondong was too blind to see?

he sighed, clearing his tears with his old sweater. he was done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

yoondong was in front of the door, hand in the knob, when he heard a voice behind him.

“where are you going?”, the older asked him. “it’s saturday noon. you don’t have work today.”

he breathed in. “i’m going to see heecheon. we haven’t gone out in a wh--”

“no you’re not”, he said, scoffing. “why are you still hanging out with me? are you two--”

“hyung, don't even start. he is _married_ and has an adoptive daughter, did you forget?”

“i wouldn’t if he didn’t contact you so much.”

the younger looked at him in disbelief. “we don’t go out in over two years, because _you_ don't like it.”

he shrugged. “then i don’t know why you’re going to see him now, since you know it _so_ well.”

yoondong groaned. “don’t be so unreasonable, hyung.”

“now _i’m_ the unreasonable one? when you're the one meeting other men without telling me.”

“it's not like you don't do the same.”

the older looked seriously at him. “excuse me?”

yoondong groaned. “never mind. i’m staying home, you happy? i’ll just send him a text or something.”

jaeyong gasped in anger. “you’re _texting_ him too?”

“hyung, you don’t own me!”, he snapped, regretting it soon after. “he’s just a friend, stop being so obsessive for a minute.”

he blinked. “yoondong, i don’t get--”

“you know what, i’m going to bed, don’t stop me.”

“it's thr-”

without listening to the rest he slammed the door and locked it, not like jaeyong would try to enter so soon though. he was quite prideful.

contact: heech

> (me): im not coming
> 
> (heech): :(
> 
> (heech): okay, i understand
> 
> (heech): lilly wanted to see you, itll be her sixth bday soon yknow
> 
> (me): i do, im sorry
> 
> (me): tell her ill definitely go next time
> 
> (heech): you... always say it... but okay
> 
> (heech): i understand
> 
> (heech): and hyung does too
> 
> (me): :(...
> 
> (me): how is he btw? its been a while since we last talked
> 
> (me): like, nearly a year
> 
> (heech): well
> 
> (heech): hes fine, he recently got a promotion and hes all happy about lillys birthday
> 
> (heech): and he doesnt resent you, if thats what you're asking
> 
> (me): :(((((
> 
> (heech): really
> 
> (heech): he didnt know abt, well
> 
> (heech): him
> 
> (heech): sorry that i told him, but... i kind of had to
> 
> (heech): to explain
> 
> (me): its fine

yoondong stared at the screen, heecheon writing and then deleting his next message for entire five minutes until he sent it again.

> (heech): i know you heard it a lot from me but, you really should dump him

there was it.

> (heech): i know its easier said than done and i know i dont understand
> 
> (heech): but youre not dependent of him
> 
> (heech): youre strong and brave by yourself, you dont need him
> 
> (heech): and im here okay
> 
> (heech): younghooniehyung and lilly too
> 
> (heech): okay? never forget.

he wanted to say _okay_ , wanted to do exactly what he told him to, but instead, he just left him on read and closed his eyes.

he woke up to quiet knocks on the door and the voice of his lover asking him if he could enter. he should have said no, but it was exactly the opposite of what he did, telling the older to enter. jaeyong looked pretty much like he had earlier, except he wasn’t angry anymore.

“hey”, he said in a soft tone. a voice he hadn’t heard in a while, and that made him feel warm inside. “you’re fine?”

“ _no_ ”, he bitterly said. “i’m still annoyed.”

the older bit the inside of his cheeks. “sorry. i shouldn’t demand so much of you. but you know i act like that because i love you, right?”

yoondong quietly stared at him. _do you, really?_ , he wanted to ask. “i know, i love you too”, he said instead.

he felt an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. the older kissed yoondong on his cheek, near his ear. “do you want to go out or something? so i can make it up for you. what do you think?”

yoondong was done with this uneven relationship.

he was _done_ , but he couldn’t find the guts to do the right thing.

“sure, i’d love it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I could have put this in [the 100 words challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7996357) but I really wanted to make the quantity of "works" in the halo tag to grow. my only regret on that challenge is how it has nearly twenty fics complete but it counts as a single work in the tag (and also it doesn't appear as the fandom I write the most lmao). anyway if you liked this and haven't read that, you have that to read! I promise some things in it are better than this. some are worst tho. feel free to hit me up on [twt ](https://twitter.com/heecheondo)or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/heecheondo) btw, every halove is automatically my best friend!


End file.
